Relearning How to Share:

This project is slowly becoming more that I originally planned it to be, and hitting a lot deeper than I ever meant it to. Things keep happening and keep pushing on my thoughts for the world - breaking down my optimism. As I look at the pain that I see in the world, and I learn about the shit that happens, it's not that I become cynical, but that I learn. I learn that a smile can clear someone's day because odds are, they weren't having a good one in the first place. I learn that people lie, cheat, and steal not because the world is a bad place and humanity has lost its childhood, but because we teach them to be that way. We teach people not to learn and we set them up for disaster. Instead of looking at the world and contradicting it with a smile, look at the world and really see. Really see the pain, the truth, the happiness, the lies, everything. Learn. And then teach. Protect someone from something that you couldn't be saved from. Help someone through something that you had to endure alone. Open a door for someone that you had trouble opening yourself. Life is filled with experiences that we can learn from and that we can share just as much as it is filled with pain and damage the likes of which we never want to experience. But if we constantly shove everything aside and bury it; if we live as if we are as perfect as we are expected to be; then we never learn. We never grow from our experiences and we are condemning others to the same fate we suffered, and where does that get us?

Nowhere.

The last few days have been filled with learning experiences such as these. Not in my own life, and not in ways that directly affect myself, but they hit pretty damn close to home. Almost too close for comfort.

Recently I learned that a friend of mine blames herself for the death of a loved one because she let her anger get the best of her and used one of man's most dangerous and vicious weapons: Truth and Words.

And this made me think. Why do we trust other people? Why would you ever give someone that much power over you? Why would you tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, if only so they can spit them right back in your face. But at the same time, how else do you show that you love someone? What better way to prove your connection than to put such utter faith and trust into a person as to let them so deep into your soul that they can light the very dustiest of corners? But how do you protect yourself once someone has been let in? How do you ensure your secrets, and your life, from complete disruption and pain when that trust is broken?

The answer is: you can't. You can never be certain that nothing will happen. So how do we learn that this fear is normal, and that it's a risk we just naturally take? Where would we be without guidance and experience. Without someone who has been hurt, where would you learn the signs of untrustworthiness? When would you learn who not to trust and when not to have faith? We need each other, and we need this openness to spread knowledge and to save our loved ones from pain that we would much rather they not have to endure.

Recently I learned that two of my friends were almost raped. One was during work function. The guest decided that he could have his way with her, and although he did not succeed with his act, she felt obligated to keep in contact with him. Sex him, give him phone sex, all for the sake of everyone else. Friends, work, everything, because the guy was so successful and held so much sway with the department. The second was between friends. The guy justified himself by saying he was teaching her what it would be like if it happened with her boyfriend. She said no and he didn't listen. She was about to see him tonight - alone - and put herself back into a situation where it could happen again, and this time for real. She justified going because she had to be there for him; because they understood each other on things like pain and suicide and life, and that if she didn't help him he was going to kill himself. So she was going to sacrifice her body, and possibly her life if not just her mental stability, so that this guy could be happy with himself. Because they understood each other, apparently.

My question is this: What makes a person care so little for themselves, or so much for other people, that they are willing to sacrifice everything to keep the others in tact? When does caring about yourself and your own well being become selfish? And what makes a human being want to put someone else in that situation - what powers that drive to force yourself on someone else? Why would you ever want to hurt someone like that?

I've heard the first point justified by religion - partially through sermons and scriptural inference, and partially ringing through my own head based on what I have been taught religiously. Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross to save the world - he gave up his life, and God gave up his son, so that humanity could be saved from sin. And christians are taught that they are to follow in Jesus' footsteps - take every step and breathe every breath as him. So these girls were sacrificing themselves to be good people - as if not giving themselves up would have been sinful. But isn't the guy in the wrong? Isn't the guy the one who committed the crime, and then one who was sinning? But, how could we forget, Jesus dined with the sinners. He loved them as he loved everyone else.

And yes, this is such a beautiful thought, that someone could be so caring and love so unconditionally that they would sacrifice everything for everyone else. In a perfect world, when everyone sacrificed themselves for one another, everyone would be taken care of; Everyone would be saved. But that is not the way the world works. IF you give up everything about yourself to the point where you are willing to give up your life, you are going lose in the end, and you are going to get hurt.

So when do we teach children that selflessness is only good to an extent? When do we teach children that it's okay to want for yourself sometimes. When do those lessons not lead to greed? How do we control human nature and all win in the end?

The answer is that we can't. And that brings us full circle back to trust. But how do you trust that everyone is going to watch your back if you watch theirs?

Where will people learn these things and ponder these thoughts if we lock up every time we get hurt? How can we let people make their own mistakes if we've been damaged beyond repair through that exact same process? We need to re-learn how to share, and we need to teach and learn the lessons that life throws at us.

Being a good person will only get you so far. You need some sense of identity and some self worth in order to care for yourself in return, because odds are, no one else will. And you need the support of those around you to teach you the hard lessons before you learn them yourself, to save you a few scars a long the way. And by all means, return the favor. Share your scars and your pains so that others don't have to receive their own.

We all need each other, and we can only hope that all our needs will be fulfilled.

Live.
Learn.
Love.

Peace.