Little Reminders, Part 2

I received some shocking news a few days ago-

One of my close friends lost her mother, and in an undesired circumstance, not that any death is desired, really. She committed suicide, leaving a husband and two children behind, not to mention the rest of her beloved friends and family.

The whole event got me to thinking -

How fast life can change, how quickly you can lose someone, and how easily we grow apart.

I am so thankful to have my friends and family in my life right now - they do so much for me and I can never thank them enough. And that is just the problem. I don't thank them enough, or say that I love them enough, or keep in touch with them the way I should. I get so caught up in my own life and my own business that I push everything else off to the side. And to think that in one night, all that can change. In one night, my failure to appreciate those around me, I can lose them. In one night I will never get that chance to express my appreciation again. It's scary. Terrifying.

And what a terrible way to be reminded - I wish that I did not happen as it has. That girl has been through so much - every trial imaginable, and somehow she hangs on. She manages to find the strength to get through another day, and I respect her beyond belief. I will never understand her ability to get by. I can barely struggle through my own, seemingly minor issues of stress and worry, let alone the trials that she is dealing with. I could not imagine the pain that she feels.

We have grown so apart in the past year, and I fear that there is little I can do to help her, and that hurts me almost as much as knowing that she is hurting.

I called my own mother multiple times in the past few days, in almost panic. I wanted to be with my family because I didn't want to lose them, but work has been keeping me away. I was stressed about my future - the expensive plans that I have, the preparation I must do, the money I do not have. Those minor things built up with the fear of loss tore me apart and there was nothing I could do but cry on the phone to my mom and talk it out.

It's strange how much the events of one's life can affect your own - how one's sorrows can hurt you so deeply that you feel they are your own, or that you feel they will become your own.

Nonetheless, it has been a roller coaster of a week. I want only to be there for those of my friends who are hurting, and be there fore my family as I miss them, and miss being home, more and more as time goes on. And this is only increased by my friend's loss. Realized because of my friend's loss.

Don't let those close to your heart slip away - don't forget them and don't let them forget you. Don't let them hang unappreciated and unloved, because life is only a short breath is span of things. Time is short and days are short - we have what is here and in front of us and that is all.

Don't wait, and don't let stress and worry and "business" get in your way, or stop you from living and loving. It maybe necessary for a time, but it is not worth it, ever. People are worth it.

Peace and Love.

Little Reminders, Part 1

Inspiration: Christmas Gifts.
And no, it's not the traditional don't be materialistic and selfish at Christmas.

I love giving presents. Not for selfish reasons - I don't want people to feel like they owe me, nor do I think that presents make people happy. But when I can get someone something that I know they are wanting, or that I know will brighten their day, I get it. I just love being able to give that joy and help that person out for just a minute, or just a day, as they enjoy what I gave them. It's not that I want them to think of me or know that I brought them that joy, but more that they have it.

It's the same when I give of my time. I love talking to people, hearing their stories, offering advice, being there when they need something or someone. I like to fix things and heal people, take care of them. It fulfills me in away. Maybe that is a selfish reason to do it, but it doesn't change the feeling. I want to be selfless and care and love. And giving of myself is one way to do so.

I do these things selflessly, and I expect nothing in return. It is taxing at times, but that would never make me change my mind about my decisions.

But sometimes, the exhaustion of always giving and never getting anything back, and I feel that I need something in return. I do not like that feeling, but it is there.

Well, this Christmas, I got that something from my best friend. I helped her through a hard time in her life, and I stuck by her side. I saved her life so she says, and just that knowledge was enough for me. But she felt that she needed to do more. She bought me the most beautiful necklace - a heart with my birthstone, engraved with my name and a quote that we share. I cried when she told me what she meant by it and why she had done it. It made me so happy that I had touched her life that much. But I felt like she had gone so far to thank me - her gift was so wonderful, but so much. I almost felt guilty in receiving it.  And maybe that was my little lesson - my own little "careful what you wish for-"

I love my necklace. It's beautiful, and it reminds me every time I wear it of our friendship and how much we care for one another - what we do and have done for each other.

But I would never expect something like that in return form everyone, or every time. I know that I do not need to see the appreciation to know that I am trying to do good things for people. I know that I have done it, and that recognition or none does not change a thing.

I have received a life time of thanks from just one girl, and I know how blessed I am to have the family and friends that I do, and blessed to know that I can help them and be there for them, and that blessing is all that I need.

Peace and Love