I recently found out that people acctually read this.
I don't know why I found that surprising. It's a blog. It's public. People read things on the internet.
But it still hit me oddly. I guess I've always only hoped my stories are interesting, and never thought they actually would be. But here we are, with people reading, as you clearly are right now.
But this new knowledge made me go back and read my older posts. The god posts. The thoughtful ones that actually made me smile when I re-read them. They were good reminders. But as I got to the top, I noticed that the stories become more distant, surface, and forced. They seem less honest, almost. Like I am trying let you see inside, but I never clean the window.
I guess, I noticed the other day, as I was trying to stay on top of politics and stay informed about the world, that the more I know, the harder it is to stay positive. And it put me in an odly negative mood. It blocked me from writing, from seeing, from thinking.
But as I looked back, I noticed that when I was really writing honestly, I was taking all those negative events and learning from them, and then passing that lesson on. And I lost that. I let the events themselves take over, instead of observing them and seeing everything for what it was. I was searching for meaning instead of really seeing.
But I guess we all make mistakes sometimes. The trick is to not let it get in your way. The trick is to take the mistake, see it, learn from it, and set it aside, let it go. The trick is figure out where you went wrong and get back on track. I know where I went wrong. When I let the stress of my life get in the way of my thoughts - when I lost my meditative mind, I lose the ability to think positivley and write honestly.
And I plan with all my heart to go back to that state of mind - that happiness and honesty. I was so at peace when I could just think clearly and understand. It was like really living instead of trying to live.
Be honest. Be true. Be real.
Don't search but really see.When you let things fall into place and you let things make sense to you, youc an start to understand yourself and the world around you.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Reconnection
Well, an interesting change of events.
As it turns out, the friend that came to visit as been changing with the best of them. Changing who she is and how she acts for her new boyfriend. I didn't notice when it was just us, but in group situations everyone is noticing it. It made me sad that she is going down that road - changing herself to make her more appealing in relationships. I wish she could just be herself.
But aside from this, the subject got me talking to my ex again. About things we haven't talked about in ages. I realized how much I missed talking to her, and how much I still cared if she was okay. We had gone through such a void in communication that when we started talking again, it was very surface. I recently broke down to her over an issue I was having, just because she happened to be online. She just listened. She didn't have to say anything. But it was nice to know that I still had someone who would be there if I needed anything. Someone removed from my new life, because, to be honest, some issues are best left removed. But, the changes our mutual friends are going through gave us something shared talk about, and led us to discussing our own changes, our past, and her hardships. It started taking us back to where we were before. It was a reconnection even better, and more meaningful than the one I'd had earlier.
We have agreed to talk again soon, and for that I am grateful. I want so much for us to continue our friendship, as changed as it may be, and to continue talking, sharing, and helping each other. It's good to finally know that is a possibility.
Reconnect with someone today. You never know how much they, or even you, will need it.
As it turns out, the friend that came to visit as been changing with the best of them. Changing who she is and how she acts for her new boyfriend. I didn't notice when it was just us, but in group situations everyone is noticing it. It made me sad that she is going down that road - changing herself to make her more appealing in relationships. I wish she could just be herself.
But aside from this, the subject got me talking to my ex again. About things we haven't talked about in ages. I realized how much I missed talking to her, and how much I still cared if she was okay. We had gone through such a void in communication that when we started talking again, it was very surface. I recently broke down to her over an issue I was having, just because she happened to be online. She just listened. She didn't have to say anything. But it was nice to know that I still had someone who would be there if I needed anything. Someone removed from my new life, because, to be honest, some issues are best left removed. But, the changes our mutual friends are going through gave us something shared talk about, and led us to discussing our own changes, our past, and her hardships. It started taking us back to where we were before. It was a reconnection even better, and more meaningful than the one I'd had earlier.
We have agreed to talk again soon, and for that I am grateful. I want so much for us to continue our friendship, as changed as it may be, and to continue talking, sharing, and helping each other. It's good to finally know that is a possibility.
Reconnect with someone today. You never know how much they, or even you, will need it.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Reminders
Today, I received a wonderful surprise.
One of my closest friends from back home came to visit me. She has a new boyfriend, who happens to go to school with me, along with his younger sister. So, she accompanied him on a trip up here. She got a chance to see my apartment and see the school and spend some time in the area. It was a nice change from me having to drive all the way home to hold ties with my friends and my life there.
We just talked and reminisced about things that we'd done and friends that we'd had. We gossiped about people and talked about our future. Her boyfriend was with us, so of course, they had their couple moments, talking about stuff with which I wasn't familiar, but it was okay. It was nice to just talk and catch up.
We went to dinner and I got a chance to talk to her boyfriend for a little bit, about our degrees and things. Nothing too ground breaking, but we got a long. It was cool to see her with someone that I could see in our friend group and I was happy for her. We bonded over a prank when she was off to the bathroom - moved all our stuff so it would look like we'd left her there. It was fun.
It was interesting, after I'd spend so much time here on my own and going back to Howell to reconnect, to have her here, in my new life, with a guy who could easily be a part of it. It was like..it was meant for us to stay friends. Although I've changed a lot since I've moved away, and I have different views, different friends, and different stories, I could still talk and share and connect with her. We still had things to talk about.
It was a nice refresher. After I'd gone home a few weeks ago, I felt so disconnected from my life there, it was weird. I wanted so much to come back here and be with my new friends and be a part of my new life. It just didn't feel right, and it worried me. I didn't want to let go of home yet. I didn't want to be the one who left and who changed and disappeared. It was weird. But knowing that we can still talk and visit was a good reminder that I haven't changed so much that I have to let everything go. The way we visited today..it was on a different, more mature, adult level. It wasn't getting together to hang or party, it was a touch base so that we know we are still friends and that we still care and that we will be in touch forever. And it was nice.
I just think we get so caught up in moving on and moving forward that we forget to look back and remember who we are. Sometimes we need life's little reminders.
One of my closest friends from back home came to visit me. She has a new boyfriend, who happens to go to school with me, along with his younger sister. So, she accompanied him on a trip up here. She got a chance to see my apartment and see the school and spend some time in the area. It was a nice change from me having to drive all the way home to hold ties with my friends and my life there.
We just talked and reminisced about things that we'd done and friends that we'd had. We gossiped about people and talked about our future. Her boyfriend was with us, so of course, they had their couple moments, talking about stuff with which I wasn't familiar, but it was okay. It was nice to just talk and catch up.
We went to dinner and I got a chance to talk to her boyfriend for a little bit, about our degrees and things. Nothing too ground breaking, but we got a long. It was cool to see her with someone that I could see in our friend group and I was happy for her. We bonded over a prank when she was off to the bathroom - moved all our stuff so it would look like we'd left her there. It was fun.
It was interesting, after I'd spend so much time here on my own and going back to Howell to reconnect, to have her here, in my new life, with a guy who could easily be a part of it. It was like..it was meant for us to stay friends. Although I've changed a lot since I've moved away, and I have different views, different friends, and different stories, I could still talk and share and connect with her. We still had things to talk about.
It was a nice refresher. After I'd gone home a few weeks ago, I felt so disconnected from my life there, it was weird. I wanted so much to come back here and be with my new friends and be a part of my new life. It just didn't feel right, and it worried me. I didn't want to let go of home yet. I didn't want to be the one who left and who changed and disappeared. It was weird. But knowing that we can still talk and visit was a good reminder that I haven't changed so much that I have to let everything go. The way we visited today..it was on a different, more mature, adult level. It wasn't getting together to hang or party, it was a touch base so that we know we are still friends and that we still care and that we will be in touch forever. And it was nice.
I just think we get so caught up in moving on and moving forward that we forget to look back and remember who we are. Sometimes we need life's little reminders.
A Shout out to Richard Cizik.
As of late, I have been tweeting up a storm about a certain Reverend Richard Cizik. Some of you may be familiar with him, others may not.
Rev. Cizik, back in 2008, had been the spokesperson for the National Association of Evangelicals, a post he'd held for 10 years. Generally, one might have automatically categorized him as a traditional Christian conservative, perceived as closed-minded by those on left. However, this is precisely the type of closed-off partisan division that Cizik was so strongly against. I myself am a strong hearted liberal standing way on the left, and yet, I still have a found a deep amount of respect for this man.
In early December, Cizik did an interview with Terry Gross of NPR's Fresh Air program. Although this interview was focused greatly around global warming and Cizik's views on the environmental issues of our time, Cizik also spoke of his views on other issues such as gay marriage and abortion. He also spoke of a strong want for cooperation and compromise, as well as change. Without these, he seemed to feel that neither side [the conservatives or the liberals] would get anywhere with there policies. This is a view with which I can strongly agree.
However, in this interview, Cizik mentioned that a few of his views were changing, including that of his stance on gay marriage. This, in turn, sent him to a discussion with the president of the NAE, which the resulted in his resignation from the position of spokesperson. It has been said that this was because he was no longer the best representative of the views of the NAE.
However, reading this interview, I was moved by all that Cizik had to say. I am not a conservative Christian in the least. I am a liberal and an agnostic to the core. I am gay, and I am pro-choice. An antithesis, almost. But reading this interview, I discovered a certain open mindedness and an acceptance of the world and its changes that most people can only hope to achieve. Many talk of how conservatives are closed minded because of their religious beliefs. And I find that many liberals try so hard to be open minded, that they are closed minded to everyone who does not share their beliefs. But Cizik has managed to by pass this closed-minded trap. He seems to view the world with a vision of love, and a hope for the God's peace that he so strongly believes in. He cares for the earth and the people in it, simply because they are the creations of his God, and he lives this belief and this care in his everyday life. In my opinion, he is truly trying to follow the footsteps of Jesus, as is required by those of the Christian faith.
Cizik, along with David Gushee and Steven D. Martin, has started the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good. It is a newer version of the NAE, with the outlook that one must change and adapt along with the culture of the world in order to best govern it in the best interests of the people. The organization is still Christian based in it's beliefs, but it is also based around the care of the earth and the people living here. It speaks to the love and devotion that God may feel for the land. Reading through their initiatives and their description of the organization, I could almost return to the Christian faith, if all preached this strong love and acceptance.
Reading Cizik's past interviews, and reading about his new feats and organization, I can help but respect him more with every article. I see in him the love, care, and open-minded acceptance that I wish the whole world could see and use. Just think - if we all attempted to use this cooperation and this compromise; this love and care - how much better off the world would be? We would have to need for war and arguments, for violence and pain, for destruction. We could all just...get along. A dream that I know is still a long time coming. But a girl can dream, and she can hope, and she sure can fight for it, right?
Let us all put our efforts into understanding today. Listen to someone you may not normally agree with or understand, and really try. See their side of the story. You might find that you get along.
Rev. Cizik, back in 2008, had been the spokesperson for the National Association of Evangelicals, a post he'd held for 10 years. Generally, one might have automatically categorized him as a traditional Christian conservative, perceived as closed-minded by those on left. However, this is precisely the type of closed-off partisan division that Cizik was so strongly against. I myself am a strong hearted liberal standing way on the left, and yet, I still have a found a deep amount of respect for this man.
In early December, Cizik did an interview with Terry Gross of NPR's Fresh Air program. Although this interview was focused greatly around global warming and Cizik's views on the environmental issues of our time, Cizik also spoke of his views on other issues such as gay marriage and abortion. He also spoke of a strong want for cooperation and compromise, as well as change. Without these, he seemed to feel that neither side [the conservatives or the liberals] would get anywhere with there policies. This is a view with which I can strongly agree.
However, in this interview, Cizik mentioned that a few of his views were changing, including that of his stance on gay marriage. This, in turn, sent him to a discussion with the president of the NAE, which the resulted in his resignation from the position of spokesperson. It has been said that this was because he was no longer the best representative of the views of the NAE.
However, reading this interview, I was moved by all that Cizik had to say. I am not a conservative Christian in the least. I am a liberal and an agnostic to the core. I am gay, and I am pro-choice. An antithesis, almost. But reading this interview, I discovered a certain open mindedness and an acceptance of the world and its changes that most people can only hope to achieve. Many talk of how conservatives are closed minded because of their religious beliefs. And I find that many liberals try so hard to be open minded, that they are closed minded to everyone who does not share their beliefs. But Cizik has managed to by pass this closed-minded trap. He seems to view the world with a vision of love, and a hope for the God's peace that he so strongly believes in. He cares for the earth and the people in it, simply because they are the creations of his God, and he lives this belief and this care in his everyday life. In my opinion, he is truly trying to follow the footsteps of Jesus, as is required by those of the Christian faith.
Cizik, along with David Gushee and Steven D. Martin, has started the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good. It is a newer version of the NAE, with the outlook that one must change and adapt along with the culture of the world in order to best govern it in the best interests of the people. The organization is still Christian based in it's beliefs, but it is also based around the care of the earth and the people living here. It speaks to the love and devotion that God may feel for the land. Reading through their initiatives and their description of the organization, I could almost return to the Christian faith, if all preached this strong love and acceptance.
Reading Cizik's past interviews, and reading about his new feats and organization, I can help but respect him more with every article. I see in him the love, care, and open-minded acceptance that I wish the whole world could see and use. Just think - if we all attempted to use this cooperation and this compromise; this love and care - how much better off the world would be? We would have to need for war and arguments, for violence and pain, for destruction. We could all just...get along. A dream that I know is still a long time coming. But a girl can dream, and she can hope, and she sure can fight for it, right?
Let us all put our efforts into understanding today. Listen to someone you may not normally agree with or understand, and really try. See their side of the story. You might find that you get along.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Learning, and Earning, from Mistakes
A while ago, a Friend of mine told me a really big secret.
It happens all the time, really, I don't know what it is. People have always seemed to be compelled to confide in me, or ask for advice. I cherish that gift with all my heart. It allows me to help others and build relationships with them. It's nice.
But this instance was different. This secret, though not a huge deal to my Friend, could destroy the Other Person involved. He told me, not in search for advice, but more just to get it out there so he could think about it. And think about it he did. I kept his secret between us, and didn't mention it to anyone. It was the least I could do.
But, here is where the story turns sour.
I was out to dinner with some friends, catching up on the latest gossip. We were discussing the Other Person. and for some reason...my want to have a part in the gossip got the best of me and I told my secret that I had kept. At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. The table blew it off and left it alone. It was mostly an...of course that happened..moment. And so, my telling of the secret was forget, as well as the secret itself.
For the time being.
One night I got a text from a friend who I had gossiped to. He threatened to spread the secret around the department, as a way of getting revenge on the Other Person. The secret could ruin him, could hurt his confidence, cause him to withdraw from the department, destroy his future. Somehow, news of this threat got back to my Friend. He was livid. He just wanted the issue to blow over, as did the Other Person. The whole thing, basically, was blown to huge proportions.
I eventually had to come clean to my Friend. I told him that it was I who had told his secret, and basically, started the issue at hand. If it weren't for me, there would be no problem in the first place. My Friend didn't seem upset at the time. But I could tell that the scenario bothered him. He had lost faith and trust in me for a while, or so I thought. And that was the last thing I wanted. I loved his friendship and I loved how he confided in me. I never wanted to hurt him, or to destroy the Other Person.
Eventually, the issue blew over, and the secret was never spread around, thankfully. But I still felt awful. I didn't want my Friend, or anyone else involved, to think that I was a liar, or two faced. I realized my mistake and its consequences, and I began to regret that people would confide in me at all. But they still do, and I have tried my best to redeem myself with open honesty, acceptance, and understanding. But that is not the point of this story.
The point is that tonight, I received a message from my Friend. He brought up that issue from months ago - and said that although he said he would be angry at whoever told, he wasn't. That my coming clean to him, my directness and honesty about the situation meant a lot to him, and "spoke to my character." Although, I am sure, he was upset at the time, he was able to move past it and we were able to make peace.
Through all of this, though I made a terrible mistake, I was able to make up for it by facing the troubles, and my fear of losing the connection of someone close to me. By coming clean, I cleared away a mound of hurt and anger that could have come to pass.
We all make mistakes. It's what we do with our mistakes that will help or hurt us in the end.
Had I run from my mistake and avoided it as I had originally planned, my Friend would have figured it out. He would have known it was me, and I don't know how he would have reacted to that knowledge. But I cannot imagine that we would be on as good of terms as we are now.
Don't run. Stand, honestly and openly, and deal with what is coming towards you. Keeping an open, understanding mind, even in the face of mistakes and hardship, will allow you to keep a positive mind, especially in the fact that positive results will be achieved.
I hope that with this story, though vague, I can teach and others can learn. After all, that has been the best use of mistakes for ages.
It happens all the time, really, I don't know what it is. People have always seemed to be compelled to confide in me, or ask for advice. I cherish that gift with all my heart. It allows me to help others and build relationships with them. It's nice.
But this instance was different. This secret, though not a huge deal to my Friend, could destroy the Other Person involved. He told me, not in search for advice, but more just to get it out there so he could think about it. And think about it he did. I kept his secret between us, and didn't mention it to anyone. It was the least I could do.
But, here is where the story turns sour.
I was out to dinner with some friends, catching up on the latest gossip. We were discussing the Other Person. and for some reason...my want to have a part in the gossip got the best of me and I told my secret that I had kept. At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. The table blew it off and left it alone. It was mostly an...of course that happened..moment. And so, my telling of the secret was forget, as well as the secret itself.
For the time being.
One night I got a text from a friend who I had gossiped to. He threatened to spread the secret around the department, as a way of getting revenge on the Other Person. The secret could ruin him, could hurt his confidence, cause him to withdraw from the department, destroy his future. Somehow, news of this threat got back to my Friend. He was livid. He just wanted the issue to blow over, as did the Other Person. The whole thing, basically, was blown to huge proportions.
I eventually had to come clean to my Friend. I told him that it was I who had told his secret, and basically, started the issue at hand. If it weren't for me, there would be no problem in the first place. My Friend didn't seem upset at the time. But I could tell that the scenario bothered him. He had lost faith and trust in me for a while, or so I thought. And that was the last thing I wanted. I loved his friendship and I loved how he confided in me. I never wanted to hurt him, or to destroy the Other Person.
Eventually, the issue blew over, and the secret was never spread around, thankfully. But I still felt awful. I didn't want my Friend, or anyone else involved, to think that I was a liar, or two faced. I realized my mistake and its consequences, and I began to regret that people would confide in me at all. But they still do, and I have tried my best to redeem myself with open honesty, acceptance, and understanding. But that is not the point of this story.
The point is that tonight, I received a message from my Friend. He brought up that issue from months ago - and said that although he said he would be angry at whoever told, he wasn't. That my coming clean to him, my directness and honesty about the situation meant a lot to him, and "spoke to my character." Although, I am sure, he was upset at the time, he was able to move past it and we were able to make peace.
Through all of this, though I made a terrible mistake, I was able to make up for it by facing the troubles, and my fear of losing the connection of someone close to me. By coming clean, I cleared away a mound of hurt and anger that could have come to pass.
We all make mistakes. It's what we do with our mistakes that will help or hurt us in the end.
Had I run from my mistake and avoided it as I had originally planned, my Friend would have figured it out. He would have known it was me, and I don't know how he would have reacted to that knowledge. But I cannot imagine that we would be on as good of terms as we are now.
Don't run. Stand, honestly and openly, and deal with what is coming towards you. Keeping an open, understanding mind, even in the face of mistakes and hardship, will allow you to keep a positive mind, especially in the fact that positive results will be achieved.
I hope that with this story, though vague, I can teach and others can learn. After all, that has been the best use of mistakes for ages.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Nut Gatherers: A Lesson in Intimacy
If any of you have been to the Detroit Institute of Art, you may have seen a portrait called The Nut Gatherers. This beautiful portrait was done by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, a French painter who did classical pieces in a modern, stylized manner. The portraits tended to come out life like, and almost of photo quality. They seem to come alive in front of you. This portrait, The Nut Gatherers, had that effect on me.
I went to the DIA about a year ago, and a friend of mine took me to the portrait. He was searching for the room, telling me how I just had to see the picture, how I would see why he loved it once we got there. And believe me, I did. The portrait is of two girls, young, sitting on the ground in the woods. One girl is holding a handful of what looks like hazelnuts, but that detail is beside the point of the picture - it simply adds to the realistic nature. What really comes a live in the portrait is the look on the girls' faces. The girl holding the nuts has a life-like look of insecurity, possibly sadness. But buried in to her face is a feeling of love for the other girl, joy and thankfulness that she is there with her. It's almost reassuring. The other girl lays on the ground to her left, watching her. Her face houses a small smile, not of joy, but understanding. She is silently encouraging her friend, listening to her, sharing with her. There is a sense of intimacy there. And only Bouguereau knows what the girls in his minds eye were thinking and saying before and after this moment in time, and all we know is that the result is beautiful. And he captured this secret moment wonderfully.
Now of course, while at the DIA, the tour guide who happened to be in the room with another group of people tried to explain away the beauty of the portrait with artistic technicalities. She discussed the angle of the picture and the location, the direction of the girls' eyes, etc. She specifically asked my friend what he was thinking and tried to tie it in to her discussion on the lines in the pictures, but my friend was left floundering. His connection to the picture was not through the lines or the angles. Although these are important aspects of the art, and I am sure Bouguereau used them, whether intentionally or naturally, they, like the nuts, are not the focus and intent of the portrait. The point is the result. When the portrait was painted, Bouguereau was not thinking about how we, in the future, would analyze his work and look for certain techniques and qualities. he was looking for a reaction. He saw the picture in his head and he wanted a certain emotion, and the picture is not done until that emotion is achieved. He used techniques and then filled them in with details that made the emotion bloom. Each face was real and beautiful and full of life and longing and we are drawn to it. We connect with their eyes more than the lines on the ground.
I believe that this portrait, in all of its beauty, can teach us a few life lessons.
The first is in intimacy. I have already said that the moment shared between the girls in the portrait is beautiful. And if Bouguereau painted realistic portraits, why can't we have moments like these in real life? I think many people are drawn to this picture because they long to have a moment like this with someone. They long to be able to share and to be understood, and to be loved and accepted. So why haven't as many people actually felt that? I think that we need to look deeply into the faces of the girls and fill their minds with thoughts of our own, fill their mouths with our words. What is your deepest secret, deepest pain, or deepest joy? How would you put that to words? Why do you want to share it so badly? And most of all, who do you want to share it with, and how do you want them to respond? Like the girls in the portrait? Do you want that beautiful moment to be yours? Deep down, I think we all do. I think we all long for it in our own way. Maybe our moment does not look like that, but the emotions are still there.
Placing ourselves in the other girl's shoes, the listener, how can we bring about this moment with the people around us when we don't have anything to share? We always seem to be so busy and so caught up, that we miss out when people want to be with us, share with us, and connect. What if the listener in the portrait decided that it was more important to gather nuts than to listen to her friend? What if she avoided the connection? Then there would be not portrait, not beauty. So why do we do this in our daily life? "I'm sorry, I'm late to the office, can this wait until I get home?" "I'm sorry, someone's on the other line, can you wait for a moment?" If we all just stopped and listened, everyone could share and everyone could listen and we wouldn't have so much baggage. We wouldn't have so much anxiety - while other is waiting, did you ever think that maybe they were re-thinking their decision to talk to you? That that they were re-working their story? The truth becomes warped when we wait.
We try to explain away this intimacy with technicalities and words because we are so unused to these emotions. We don't connect like this with the people around us in everyday life, and so the emotions we get from the portrait are unfamiliar. We can't explain the girls' emotions or understand why we feel a connection, so we look for technique - what was the artist doing to make us feel this way. And we miss what is important.
Moments like the one in Bouguereau's portrait can, and should, happen everyday. We should be intimate with one another. We need to be intimate with one another.
Be real today.
I went to the DIA about a year ago, and a friend of mine took me to the portrait. He was searching for the room, telling me how I just had to see the picture, how I would see why he loved it once we got there. And believe me, I did. The portrait is of two girls, young, sitting on the ground in the woods. One girl is holding a handful of what looks like hazelnuts, but that detail is beside the point of the picture - it simply adds to the realistic nature. What really comes a live in the portrait is the look on the girls' faces. The girl holding the nuts has a life-like look of insecurity, possibly sadness. But buried in to her face is a feeling of love for the other girl, joy and thankfulness that she is there with her. It's almost reassuring. The other girl lays on the ground to her left, watching her. Her face houses a small smile, not of joy, but understanding. She is silently encouraging her friend, listening to her, sharing with her. There is a sense of intimacy there. And only Bouguereau knows what the girls in his minds eye were thinking and saying before and after this moment in time, and all we know is that the result is beautiful. And he captured this secret moment wonderfully.
Now of course, while at the DIA, the tour guide who happened to be in the room with another group of people tried to explain away the beauty of the portrait with artistic technicalities. She discussed the angle of the picture and the location, the direction of the girls' eyes, etc. She specifically asked my friend what he was thinking and tried to tie it in to her discussion on the lines in the pictures, but my friend was left floundering. His connection to the picture was not through the lines or the angles. Although these are important aspects of the art, and I am sure Bouguereau used them, whether intentionally or naturally, they, like the nuts, are not the focus and intent of the portrait. The point is the result. When the portrait was painted, Bouguereau was not thinking about how we, in the future, would analyze his work and look for certain techniques and qualities. he was looking for a reaction. He saw the picture in his head and he wanted a certain emotion, and the picture is not done until that emotion is achieved. He used techniques and then filled them in with details that made the emotion bloom. Each face was real and beautiful and full of life and longing and we are drawn to it. We connect with their eyes more than the lines on the ground.
I believe that this portrait, in all of its beauty, can teach us a few life lessons.
The first is in intimacy. I have already said that the moment shared between the girls in the portrait is beautiful. And if Bouguereau painted realistic portraits, why can't we have moments like these in real life? I think many people are drawn to this picture because they long to have a moment like this with someone. They long to be able to share and to be understood, and to be loved and accepted. So why haven't as many people actually felt that? I think that we need to look deeply into the faces of the girls and fill their minds with thoughts of our own, fill their mouths with our words. What is your deepest secret, deepest pain, or deepest joy? How would you put that to words? Why do you want to share it so badly? And most of all, who do you want to share it with, and how do you want them to respond? Like the girls in the portrait? Do you want that beautiful moment to be yours? Deep down, I think we all do. I think we all long for it in our own way. Maybe our moment does not look like that, but the emotions are still there.
Placing ourselves in the other girl's shoes, the listener, how can we bring about this moment with the people around us when we don't have anything to share? We always seem to be so busy and so caught up, that we miss out when people want to be with us, share with us, and connect. What if the listener in the portrait decided that it was more important to gather nuts than to listen to her friend? What if she avoided the connection? Then there would be not portrait, not beauty. So why do we do this in our daily life? "I'm sorry, I'm late to the office, can this wait until I get home?" "I'm sorry, someone's on the other line, can you wait for a moment?" If we all just stopped and listened, everyone could share and everyone could listen and we wouldn't have so much baggage. We wouldn't have so much anxiety - while other is waiting, did you ever think that maybe they were re-thinking their decision to talk to you? That that they were re-working their story? The truth becomes warped when we wait.
We try to explain away this intimacy with technicalities and words because we are so unused to these emotions. We don't connect like this with the people around us in everyday life, and so the emotions we get from the portrait are unfamiliar. We can't explain the girls' emotions or understand why we feel a connection, so we look for technique - what was the artist doing to make us feel this way. And we miss what is important.
Moments like the one in Bouguereau's portrait can, and should, happen everyday. We should be intimate with one another. We need to be intimate with one another.
Be real today.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Guilty Pleasures
Today, I watched Degrassi. All night.
But hey. I worked all day, 7:45-4:15. I earned my break and I enjoyed it. You know it.
But I always feel a little guilty watching Degrassi. It's the cheesiest, lamest, high school drama show ever. But it's awesome. They film it in Canada and the Canadian's don't even watch it. They film it because they know it's trash that american's will watch.
And it's so true.
But it makes you wonder. Why do we, as a culture, like the crap T.V. that we like? We watch shows like Degrassi where high schoolers are dating and having sex, moving, dating, making up and breaking up. We watch "reality" TV where rich housewives bitch each other out and socially attack each other based on money and class. We watch shows were hundreds of girls throw themselves at one guy.
Things that would never happen if it weren't for money. Meaningless trash that has nothing to do with national or international news. Shows that make American's look bad in the eyes of foreigners who might spend their time watching something a little more worth while.
But even through all of this negativity, there is an explanation. These people are living rich lives in the spotlight and we can't get enough. We strive to have that exciting life and, in a way, we are living vicariously through these shows. We want to take the risks and be careless and ignorant and pointless. We are sick of the stress of work, money, and bills. We just want to go out and be crazy and not need an excuse. As a college student with homework to do, work to attend, and bills to pay, I miss the time when I was carefree and in high school. I miss dealing with petty high school drama, as opposed to life drama. As a culture, we want to be children. In an adult way.
And this dream, this goal, is completely possible. We just need to let loose. We are so caught up in making money to live "the American Dream" that we forget what that dream actually is: Happiness. We want to keep apace with the latest trends; the latest styles; the latest gadgets; the latest it couple. We lose sight of our personal lives, trials, and triumphs, and obsess over what the society says we need, want, and enjoy. If we forget this - if we just stop, and listen, and really look into ourselves, we can rediscover what it is we really dream of. And when we discover this dream, we can abandon the pointless T.V. shows, because we will have what we want. When we discover our joys and dreams, we discover freedom. Every day becomes childish because every day is fun. Every day is a play date with the world. And it is beautiful.
But of course, it's still okay to keep those guilty pleasures. If we are perfectly happy and content with the success rate of our lives, if we are achieving our goals and living the life we want, why not sit down and watch a show that means nothing? Why not watch a show and reminisce or watch a show and just forget the world?
We simply must not be consumed by it. Be consumed by the drive to be happy and be successful, each in our own way.
If we each follow our own path, no one will collide.
But hey. I worked all day, 7:45-4:15. I earned my break and I enjoyed it. You know it.
But I always feel a little guilty watching Degrassi. It's the cheesiest, lamest, high school drama show ever. But it's awesome. They film it in Canada and the Canadian's don't even watch it. They film it because they know it's trash that american's will watch.
And it's so true.
But it makes you wonder. Why do we, as a culture, like the crap T.V. that we like? We watch shows like Degrassi where high schoolers are dating and having sex, moving, dating, making up and breaking up. We watch "reality" TV where rich housewives bitch each other out and socially attack each other based on money and class. We watch shows were hundreds of girls throw themselves at one guy.
Things that would never happen if it weren't for money. Meaningless trash that has nothing to do with national or international news. Shows that make American's look bad in the eyes of foreigners who might spend their time watching something a little more worth while.
But even through all of this negativity, there is an explanation. These people are living rich lives in the spotlight and we can't get enough. We strive to have that exciting life and, in a way, we are living vicariously through these shows. We want to take the risks and be careless and ignorant and pointless. We are sick of the stress of work, money, and bills. We just want to go out and be crazy and not need an excuse. As a college student with homework to do, work to attend, and bills to pay, I miss the time when I was carefree and in high school. I miss dealing with petty high school drama, as opposed to life drama. As a culture, we want to be children. In an adult way.
And this dream, this goal, is completely possible. We just need to let loose. We are so caught up in making money to live "the American Dream" that we forget what that dream actually is: Happiness. We want to keep apace with the latest trends; the latest styles; the latest gadgets; the latest it couple. We lose sight of our personal lives, trials, and triumphs, and obsess over what the society says we need, want, and enjoy. If we forget this - if we just stop, and listen, and really look into ourselves, we can rediscover what it is we really dream of. And when we discover this dream, we can abandon the pointless T.V. shows, because we will have what we want. When we discover our joys and dreams, we discover freedom. Every day becomes childish because every day is fun. Every day is a play date with the world. And it is beautiful.
But of course, it's still okay to keep those guilty pleasures. If we are perfectly happy and content with the success rate of our lives, if we are achieving our goals and living the life we want, why not sit down and watch a show that means nothing? Why not watch a show and reminisce or watch a show and just forget the world?
We simply must not be consumed by it. Be consumed by the drive to be happy and be successful, each in our own way.
If we each follow our own path, no one will collide.
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