Flying on Planes

Have you ever looked for shapes in the clouds while you're flying high above them?

Have you ever watched the sun reflect off the moisture in the air- scattering warm displays of radiance?

Have you ever followed the pale white ground of the heavens until it fades to the brilliant blue of infinity?

Come fly with me. There is beauty in the air and we miss it every day with our feet so permanently on the ground.

Live, for a day, with your head in the clouds and tell me what you see.

Peace and Love.

How To Be Alone by Tonya Davis

I recently read the poem "How To Be Alone" by Tonya Davis. I don't remember how I came across it...random stumbling around on the internet. But it caught my attention. Tonya goes through the steps of acclamating onesself to the idea of being alone- from having coffee alone to going to dinner alone to going to the club alone and dancing like no one's watching, "because they probably aren't," as she puts it. Sometimes this can sound so appealing, and yet, seems like such a silly idea.

We are so absorbed in meeting people- connecting with them- adding them up and having the most friends, whether we are close with them or not. It's a game, a competiton, a distraction. We are surrounding ourselves with people and things to keep us from ourselves.

As I'm sitting here, on this plane, quite litterally flying solo, I'm having a hard time just sitting with myself. Ibwant to talk to the people sitting next to me, or text people on my phone that is always with me, or blog tobmy readers, or read something engaging. I can't just....be. Why?

I guess it's less of an inability to be alone, and more of a lack of desire to be alone. But again, why?

Is it a need to keep up with appearances- to keep up with the social norm of popularity? Is it a dislike of things that might cross my mind, or a fear of them? Is it because I am so used to being busy or occupied that I simply don't know how to stop?

I guess it's a good thing that I have this whole flight on my own to think about these things, as the man sittig next to me plays Angry Birds, as absorbed in his electronic life as I am; and as the people around sit with their spouses and their magazines, oblivious to the moments flying by.

Common Ground

“If we cannot yet reconcile all opinions, Let us endeavor to unite all hearts.” -Robert Owen, 1832

We all have something in common with whoever is sitting next to us; across from us; near us. We have something in common with people far away from us too; the whole world. 

We have so many different opinions and viewpoints; different beliefs. We are individuals - we are our own  people. It's something advertised, acknowledged and encouraged on a regular basis. 

And yet, there is still so much hatred. We don't like people who are different from us in the wrong ways. We don't like people who are radical or "weird." These differences set up blockades between us; we can't see around them. 

But really, we have something that we can share in, unite it, or believe in together. We just don't spend the time looking for it. We stop at different and don't move on to similar. 

So why not try to find things that you agree on? Hell, agree to disagree if that's all you can discover - but I know there is something more. There is something beneath the surface that you're missing. 

Set a goal for yourself. Find the things you share with people, and let them unite you against the hatred of diversity. 

Dive in to your differences and land on common ground. 

Peace and Love.

"I Never Said That," And Other Drama Causing Situations

So, recently I had a conversation with friend that I hadn't spoken to in a while.

I mean, we'd conversed when we had to- business and the like- but we hadn't had a real conversation, friend to friend.

It came up that we weren't as close as we used to be.
Well, rather, it was dumped on me that we weren't close friends anymore. I mean, I could tell something was wrong considering the talking situation, but I didn't think that we just weren't friends. I'd figured it was a bit of misunderstanding that could be worked out and needed time.

Anyway, that piece is hardly to the point. That is another story.

We began talking about where we were as friends, and I mentioned that I have a difficult time having friendships in business situations, and that I keep my friendships fluid in that respect. If we are not working together, we can be really good friends. But once we start working together, it has to be understood that I will remove myself and that we will have an extremely professional relationship. And once the job is done, we can go back to being friends. But when I am stage managing, or trying to lead, it's difficult to define friendship and also define a chain of command and a chain of control. Feelings are bound to get hurt. So I don't even go there.

We sort of continued talking but I never got her side.

I found out later that what she heard was "I only want to have a professional relationship with you."

That's not what I meant at all, and I hope, after all that I said, that that wasn't what it boiled down to.

It got me thinking- about all the conversations that we have with the people around us. Do we ever consider how they listen? How they need to be spoken to? Is it even important?

People say "accept me for who I am." I preach love and acceptance almost every day. We want people to accept us for who we are. If I word things in a round about manner than people should work out a way to deal with it.

At the same time though, we need to accept other people. If they listen in black and white manner, then we should accept it and deal with it.

So. Do I change the way I speak to certain people, or is it their problem if they don't understand it?

Or is there a compromise. <-- I believe that this is the ticket. But the problem is, how do you reach the compromise without the argument that ensues after the misunderstanding. The "you said, I never said, sounded like to me, he said she said" arguments. We can't all be completely perceptive of how every single person functions. We are how we are, and what we are is human. We all speak in our own way and hear in our own way.

So at what point does twisting what people say to you become a problem or a disorder instead of just who you are? And at what point does speaking harshly become cruelty instead of just who you are? When does passivity become detrimental instead of simply a personality trait? When doe aggressive behavior become abuse?

There are fine lines everywhere..it's like a laser field out there. How do you know what you've crossed and what you haven't and how far you have yet to go?

These are questions that I have yet to answer...and maybe they will never be answered.

But the one step that I have come across is that you must first understand yourself before you can understand others. Know your own fine lines - your own issues, behaviors, and quirks. Know your flaws and your strong points. When you understand yourself, you can begin to see yourself through other people's eyes. Don't degrade yourself, and don't put yourself on a pedestal. But just..begin to understand.

Understanding and communication are the root of all connection and compromise. 

The Future, 2.0

Well.

A lot of new and exciting things have been going on around here - a lot of new commitments, new paths, new opportunities, new honors - it's been pretty incredible.

Not that I am trying to brag. It could be as detrimental to my wellbeing as it will be a kick-start to my future. So bear with me.

I received the Roberts Fellowship at the University. A year long leadership class, taught by some of the best and brightest there, and also completely paid for. Only 12 students are selected out of the hundreds who qualify for application. This year, they only picked 11. Along with the class, the students must attend various evening lectures, events of fellow students, and an in-depth group service project that will change the lives of those being served. At the end of the year, the class takes a three week trip to Asia, also completely paid for. It is one of the highest honors the University has to offer before graduation.

This is a huge honor as well as a huge commitment. It will take up almost all of my free time that I may have had after theatre hours take their toll. On top of that, a lot of the lectures overlap scheduled rehearsal time. It will be a daunting task two balance the two commitments, but I told the board that I would be able to work it out.

Thinking back on it, I've begun to worry that I can't. I refuse to not try. I refuse to give up my responsibilities in the theatre department because I might not be able to handle it. Those who do not try never succeed. So It might be a semester from hell, but when it's done, I will have survived and become stronger because of it. And if I can't do it, I will sit, think, talk, and admit that I'd made a mistake and took on too much.

There comes a point when you have to begin to say no. There comes a point when all of your commitments and opportunities become a curse rather than a blessing. But what I am hoping is that I have reached max capacity, finally having a reason to say no to everything else, rather than breaching capacity and falling apart.

We shall see.

This will, above everything, be a learning and growing experience for myself. I will find myself somewhere along this road. I will discover my boundaries and my limits - and I will exceed them - go above and beyond them. I will discover my strengths and develop them, and discover my weaknesses and learn yo overcome them.

Never say no to a risk. Risks are what define us, what create us, what help us to grow. Without risk we never change, we only stay the same. Without risk there is no try, and there is no succeed. There is only static.

So. Honor and opportunity? Check. Acceptance? Check. Risk? Check. Scared and Nervous? Check. Excited? Check.

It could bend and break me, but in the end, I will come back stronger and better than before.

Lets do this.

And then there are those random days when the world seems full of love...

"I know you've been going through some not-so-great things lately, but remember that you're beautiful and talented and that you deserve the purest happiness the world has to offer. ~Anonymous 

whoever you are you are an amazing person. Thank you for your kind words. Though I do know this it is amazing to be reminded of it when my life seems to say otherwise.

When was the last time you made someone's day by simply telling them how special they are?

When was the last time you walked down a hallway and just smiled at the people you pass by?

It's the little things. 

'Hurts So Good' and other stories on why we do what we do; Part 2

A while back, I posted the following:

"Don't be afraid to hurt or to feel. It reminds you who you are, and that you are."

And I'd forgotten about it, until now. It's true that we are described by our feelings - both physical and emotional - but they are not all that we are. They do not define us. They accent that which is in our very being - but they do not control us.

They are simply that - reminders.


Sometimes we get lost. We think it's worth it. We forget that we are something beyond our hardship - the hurt and the feelings consume us.

Sometimes we bottle everything up - we try to keep it, and remain blank. We lose the thought and introspection that comes with feeling. We want to be stony faced and strong - because somehow emotion weakens us. It makes us vulnerable.

But somewhere in between the two is reality. We do feel, we do hurt - it's a part of life. We are vulnerable beings - giving in to this vulnerability and trusting those who see it is what makes us stronger.

And this is a lesson that I have yet to grasp and live out.
Trust is one of the hardest trials known to man - to unmask everything at lay it at another's feet.

To fully live, we must accept that we must feel. We must embrace our emotions and let them fill even the darkest corners, without letting them consume and take control, leading to irrationality.

To accept that we feel, we must first trust.

To trust...we must leap, or fall, into something uncertain and unknown.

Instead we often hide. We bottle up, or we let too much go to soon.
When will we learn to stand up on two feet?