"I Never Said That," And Other Drama Causing Situations

So, recently I had a conversation with friend that I hadn't spoken to in a while.

I mean, we'd conversed when we had to- business and the like- but we hadn't had a real conversation, friend to friend.

It came up that we weren't as close as we used to be.
Well, rather, it was dumped on me that we weren't close friends anymore. I mean, I could tell something was wrong considering the talking situation, but I didn't think that we just weren't friends. I'd figured it was a bit of misunderstanding that could be worked out and needed time.

Anyway, that piece is hardly to the point. That is another story.

We began talking about where we were as friends, and I mentioned that I have a difficult time having friendships in business situations, and that I keep my friendships fluid in that respect. If we are not working together, we can be really good friends. But once we start working together, it has to be understood that I will remove myself and that we will have an extremely professional relationship. And once the job is done, we can go back to being friends. But when I am stage managing, or trying to lead, it's difficult to define friendship and also define a chain of command and a chain of control. Feelings are bound to get hurt. So I don't even go there.

We sort of continued talking but I never got her side.

I found out later that what she heard was "I only want to have a professional relationship with you."

That's not what I meant at all, and I hope, after all that I said, that that wasn't what it boiled down to.

It got me thinking- about all the conversations that we have with the people around us. Do we ever consider how they listen? How they need to be spoken to? Is it even important?

People say "accept me for who I am." I preach love and acceptance almost every day. We want people to accept us for who we are. If I word things in a round about manner than people should work out a way to deal with it.

At the same time though, we need to accept other people. If they listen in black and white manner, then we should accept it and deal with it.

So. Do I change the way I speak to certain people, or is it their problem if they don't understand it?

Or is there a compromise. <-- I believe that this is the ticket. But the problem is, how do you reach the compromise without the argument that ensues after the misunderstanding. The "you said, I never said, sounded like to me, he said she said" arguments. We can't all be completely perceptive of how every single person functions. We are how we are, and what we are is human. We all speak in our own way and hear in our own way.

So at what point does twisting what people say to you become a problem or a disorder instead of just who you are? And at what point does speaking harshly become cruelty instead of just who you are? When does passivity become detrimental instead of simply a personality trait? When doe aggressive behavior become abuse?

There are fine lines everywhere..it's like a laser field out there. How do you know what you've crossed and what you haven't and how far you have yet to go?

These are questions that I have yet to answer...and maybe they will never be answered.

But the one step that I have come across is that you must first understand yourself before you can understand others. Know your own fine lines - your own issues, behaviors, and quirks. Know your flaws and your strong points. When you understand yourself, you can begin to see yourself through other people's eyes. Don't degrade yourself, and don't put yourself on a pedestal. But just..begin to understand.

Understanding and communication are the root of all connection and compromise.