Save or Delete: An Ongoing Battle

I went home last weekend to grab the leftover things that didn't fit in my car the first time, and to visit with my family. I'd seen so much of them and talked to then so much on and off it was weird to think about getting back in to the almost total separation that happens when I go back to school. But that's not really the point of this post.

When I got home, I learned that my dad would be driving out to Dearborn in order to do work on my Grandparents' house.

For those of you who don't know, my grandparents died within twelve hours of each other, in their home, last June. It was a very trying time for my family, as you can imagine.

But the house was never dissolved. For my aunts and uncles, letting go of the house and everything inside it meant completely letting go of everything that was my grandparents - and the childhood of my dad and ny aunts and uncles. It was too much, too soon for them.

So the house sat.

My grandparents' remains were taken care of quickly- cremation- but the memorial service wasn't scheduled until September. It took 3 months just to be able to think of their passing as concrete enough to memorialize- so you can imagine what a big step working on the house would be.

At the Holidays, there was talk of using my grandparents' house for gathering, and my aunts and uncle would still stay there when they came in to town. It seemed strange to me - erie - wanting to stay in the house of someone who'd passed. But it was okay for them, and I guess that's what mattered. I avoided it on most occasions.

But this weekend - a year later - they were finally ready to start tackling the huge project of cleaning, sorting, and dividing my grandparents' things amongst them. Ad believe me, that house is full to the brim of things to go through.

They had been at the house two or three days before I'd gotten there. Many rooms were full of things with tags on them labeling who wanted what and what items would need to be "fought over." Some were complete, some weren't, and there was a lot left to do. Ibwalked through the house, looking at all the items, reminiscing about certain things and times that I'd had there. But as I walked, I didn't really come acrid anything I'd want to keep. They were all just...things. They came with memories, yes, but they weren't memories I didn't have in my head or in pictures.

This was not the case for my family going through the house. Everything was of value and importance. They reminisced as they went through things and labeled things based on the rememberance. They talked of getting storage units in order to make room for all of the things they would be bringing home.

I wanted to understand where they were coming from, and I did a little, but I could also see where it could become such a waste- all of those things just sitting in a unit, gathering dust simply because they reminded us of a long-gone past. These two viewpoints left me in a very big contradiction of thoughts.

Which is better? Collecting scads of things that we may not need, and may not ever use - or living in a throw-away society, where nothing means anything and we live, basically, sentimentally barren?

I couldn't help but feel that so many things; ties; memories; reminders would bog us down. How can you go through life attached to so many objects? You'd never be able to just live and be and breathe- you would be defined by all of the things you'd carry with you. But at the same time, we can't go through life carrying nothing. Without attachment we are careless. Even heartless - one couldn't be expected to walk through his parents house and want nothing.

I guess I don't really know why I was bothered the amount things being saved just for the sake of saving. Maybe it's the waste - think of all the people who might love to have those things- all the good that could be done by donating them or selling them. Maybe it's the mixture of feelings that I still have for the whole situation. I'm not yet sure where I stand as far as moving on, so blocking it out just seems more comfortable. Maybe it's my lack of connection to my grandparents and to that house  - we never spent much time there, so my memories are hardly grand. I don't know, and probably wont know, but regardless, there is something strange there.

Maybe for my family, they are still struggling to move on. Maybe this step is a good step, though arduous. Maybe when they are ready, there will be a phase two to the sorting, when we will get down to the really important things.

But in the end I'm not sure if it matters. Should we save? Or should we delete? I'm not sure where the line is, and maybe we all balance each other out in the end - I don't know. But in the meantime, I will continue pondering.