Revisiting My Thoughts

I recently found out that people acctually read this.

I don't know why I found that surprising. It's a blog. It's public. People read things on the internet.

But it still hit me oddly. I guess I've always only hoped my stories are interesting, and never thought they actually would be. But here we are, with people reading, as you clearly are right now.

But this new knowledge made me go back and read my older posts. The god posts. The thoughtful ones that actually made me smile when I re-read them. They were good reminders. But as I got to the top, I noticed that the stories become more distant, surface, and forced. They seem less honest, almost. Like I am trying let you see inside, but I never clean the window.

I guess, I noticed the other day, as I was trying to stay on top of politics and stay informed about the world, that the more I know, the harder it is to stay positive. And it put me in an odly negative mood. It blocked me from writing, from seeing, from thinking.

But as I looked back, I noticed that when I was really writing honestly, I was taking all those negative events and learning from them, and then passing that lesson on. And I lost that. I let the events themselves take over, instead of observing them and seeing everything for what it was. I was searching for meaning instead of really seeing.

But I guess we all make mistakes sometimes. The trick is to not let it get in your way. The trick is to take the mistake, see it, learn from it, and set it aside, let it go. The trick is figure out where you went wrong and get back on track. I know where I went wrong. When I let the stress of my life get in the way of my thoughts - when I lost my meditative mind, I lose the ability to think positivley and write honestly.

And I plan with all my heart to go back to that state of mind - that happiness and honesty. I was so at peace when I could just think clearly and understand. It was like really living instead of trying to live.

Be honest. Be true. Be real.
Don't search but really see.When you let things fall into place and you let things make sense to you, youc an start to understand yourself and the world around you.