A Lesson in Appreciation

Have you ever wanted something so much that you just fed your whole life in to it? Have you just wanted to be a part of something so much that it became an obsession; a definition? Have you ever wanted to be there for someone so much that you lost yourself?

I have.

And let me tell you, it is a long, scary, difficult road, and it does not end with your desired outcome. It ends in loss.

I met someone, and for some reason we connected. Not on a relationship level or anything, but just a connection. I instantly knew that I wanted to be her friend, and she, for some reason unknown to me, she confided in me from the start. We would just talk- about everything- and it was nice to known that I always had that friend there for me, and I was always there for her. It's exactly what anyone would want in a friendship, right? Only not really. I mean we talked about everything but the actual camaraderie of friendship was only occasional. And, because of that connection that I felt, I put everything into this friendship. I tried so hard to just be something to her, that I lost who I was on my own. I had no idea who I was anymore. I was just this girl who was always talking to this other girl, and who disconnected herself from everyone else- from people who were also there for me as much, if not more, than in this other relationship. And all of this trying, all of  this effort, sort of blew up in my face. I was so frustrated with not knowing who I was that I attacked the friendship itself instead of addressing the real problem. And now I have lost it completely, at least for the time being, if not forever.

So positive, right? I know, I know, not really. But trust me, there is a point to this.

The good part is the lesson. If you've taken anything from my posts, please let it be that there is a lesson in each and every event that happens in our lives. From this experience, I have learned how easy it is to get lost in this huge, crazy world that we live in. We get so caught up in facebook and twitter, youtube and tumblr, blog sites. Everything we do is open to social networking and we are never without connections. You can access the web on your phone, on your home computer, on your laptop, you can text to the internet. People text constantly and talk constantly. You no longer have to focus on one thing, or one person, at a time. And with so much going on, how do you find time for yourself? How do you get to know your own personality and your own choices if you are always so absorbed in everyone else? The answer is that you have to  make time. When I went through this whole fiasco, and realized how lost I was, I took a break from the internet; or really, just social networking sites. I took a break for two reasons. The first was that I didn't want to see or hear from my friend, because it stressed me out and it still hurt a lot. But the second, more important reason, was that I needed time to think. I needed to find myself again, and find what I enjoy and what I like to do without the internet. I needed to know that I am still content and still happy with myself and with my life without the influence of other people. And, thankfully, the answer is yes. I am so happy, and so lucky. I have so much going for me in the world, and such good friends that I may not have been paying much attention to. And I found them again. The last few days, after I came to terms with what I have been going through, have been the best few days of my life.

I have also learned that we must accept what we do, and do not, have. I wanted so much from this relationship, and had such high expectation for it, that I was continually hurt or disappointed when they were not met. And I put everything I had into something that didn't really exist in the first place, at least, in the way that I wanted it to. Had I simply taken a step back and looked at what I had to work with, I may have been more content with the relationship; I may have had better control over how much time and energy I invested into this friendship; and I may have kept a better handle on myself. But instead, I got carried away with a connection; an intrigue; a dream of what I wanted, and I let that get the best of me. We, as vulnerable and delicate beings, need to be careful with ourselves and our minds, and we need to keep a firm grasp on what we have and what we should be thankful for. Although what is in our possession may not be exactly what we want, it is still something, and it is still huge for us. If we are content and are able to work with what we have, we will be so much better off than if we are always wanting more. And that applies to more than just the relationships in our lives, although those are great places to begin with this frame of mind.

Take a step back today, and thank your friends for being who they are, and appreciate them just they way they are. You need nothing more and nothing less than what you've got. You just have to realize its potential.

Peace and Love.